Archive for January, 2006

The Blog Telling You California Sucks And Here’s Why

{ January 14, 2006 @ 5:24 pm } · { PG }
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The blog telling you: California Sucks and Here’s Why
Current mood: aggravated

I spent this last week in Carrollton, Georgia with Zeb and his family. First of all…amazing trip just getting there! Then, there was the reality of being in such a beautiful place with people just as wonderful to match. If you’ve known me (well) for any decent length of time, you should know the love/hate relationship I have with the state of California. Yes, it’s a beautiful state with versatility and opportunity and blah blah blah. But then there’s the people. With very few exceptions, the true Californian is a gigantic jack-hole. Arrogant, materialistic, self-absorbed, and thoroughly selfish. It is these people which make Cali such a crap place to live.

I didn’t want to leave Georgia. There are several reasons as to why…but this sentiment was confirmed a mere four minutes after walking through the doors at work on my first day back (Friday night). My first two customers at take-out were the embodiment of all I dislike about this area. Stuck-up, distant, cold, aggravating…demanding…and to top it all off – they were cheap. If there was any doubt whatsoever about my desire to be elsewhere, it was annihilated by these two people.

Then there was today.

Seriously, folks. I understand that ranch is vitally important to your existence, and you will surely die without it and it’s caloric content to add to your already bulging waistline. I also understand that even though you ask for it on the side (in other words, trying to control the portion of fat you’re adding to your salad…I get it…) you will most assuredly ask for yet another side of the crap in order to give the entire leafy pile a thick sheen of cholesterol – just as you are doing to your insides. But please – allow me the forty-five seconds necessary in order to accept your demand, then cross the entire restaurant, retrieve your fat sauce, then deliver it safely to your overly eager hands. Relax. We have enough ranch in the refrigerator to satisfy even you.

Then there are the kids. I seriously came within one scream of grabbing the little bastard by the ears and throwing him in the direction of the door. I don’t care if he’s only two years old. I was trying to concentrate on taking his mother’s order while he was slapping her in the face and screaming in a Chinese water torture fashion every three to four seconds. I literally had to bite my tongue to stop myself from yelling, “shut the hell up, you child of Satan!” at the top of my lungs. I don’t think the parents would have agreed with my method of discipline. Then again, I can be quite frightening to children, should the need arise. On second though, they may have thanked me. I didn’t take the chance however, as I am trying to keep myself out of trouble just incase a transfer is in my future.

Any server will tell you the evil that is minorities dining in a foreign country (I.E. here.). Don’t charge over $54 dollars, then think that leaving me three is decent compensation for not only having to half-learn your language, but to also decipher your word-replacing gestures. For the love of me, either learn the language and the culture…or leave me and my taxed paycheck alone. [For those of you who don't work in the food industry, we as servers are taxed (and required to tip out the rest of the staff) based on our sales, not our tips...which is why we bitch about stuff like this]

Anyway, the point is this: I despise California, and if you can’t follow along, here’s why:

[At this point, I typed out a whole list of reasons why California is on my naughty list...then I previewed it, and it didn't turn out right because I used a symbol or two in it. So, for those of you with A.D.D., try reading the above one more time...and if there's any questions, let me know. I'll do my best to clear anything up.]

That said, the only really important thing not obviously stated above is the distinct lack of a certain someone, now that he’s 2200 miles away. Yet another reason why California sucks, and I have Georgia on my mind…

Currently listening :
Simply Nothing
By Shawn McDonald
Release date: 10 August, 2004

The Blog About 2005

{ January 1, 2006 @ 5:26 pm } · { PG, Year In Review }
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I remember planning to do this a few weeks ago. The plan was to reflect on the year and all it meant in the life of little (alright, not so little) old me. Now…as lame as that idea still sounds, I find myself compelled to still do just that. So here it is, my small crowd, the year 2005 through the eyes of yours truly.

I think to get an idea of how the year started, I have to compare it to the way that THIS year started. Where was I last New Years? Just how different was it from this year? To start with, I was in a relationship at the time. [Note: Not wanting to go blasting the entirety of my personal life all over the Internet, I'm going to refrain from going into the details of my relationship with Mike. If you're close to me, you know the details of that anyway...and if you're not, then you lack the right to know.] Wow. This is starting out so well, isn’t it?

New Years can kiss my ass. What used to be my favorite part of the year has turned out to be something of dread. Not from bad experiences, per se, rather just the realization that we go into the night expecting (well some of us) this really momentous occasion and some sort of personal epiphany. When neither happen, the common reaction is disappointment – at least on my part. The disappointment isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s just the result of a false expectation gone wrong.

So that’s January. February contains the holiday that has slowly been creeping out of my “Things Satan Made” list. (Hmm…that would be a great blog sometime, wouldn’t it? Anyway.) February turned out not so bad. Actually quite good…but that falls under the relationship category. One other thing that February contained was the Burning Hearts gathering at RH. Those three – or was it four? – nights were amazing, personally. They ended in many tears but the outcome I think was worth the pain at the time. And no, we’re not talking about acid reflux here, for anyone who isn’t familiar with my Church.

Somewhere around here a crap chapter in my life came to something of a close. Not really a close, rather a metamorphosis. Some things never close…as their wake is ongoing. Wow. Is that ambiguous enough for you?

That brings us to the point in the year when the relationship ended. Alright, there’s some space in between, but now that I’ve started this I’m realizing just how f-ing hard it is to remember the entire year without some sort of reference. I refuse to go get my journal. It’s upstairs, and I’m growing lazier by the minute. Besides…that’s cheating.

Alright, so where are we? Um…I think June-ish. June…

So, we’ll jump to August. I turned 21. The interesting thing about this was how utterly strange it felt to be as old as I’ve been told I look since I was 15. And you can only imagine how pissed I was that I didn’t get carded several times after turning legal. Of all the times…

But seriously, that day was quite good. Spent it with the family, then at the Ballet. Quite cool. And before the actual day, I went to Medieval Times with Mike and four friends. It was so much fun…and quite a memorable night. Turning 21 turned out to be pretty cool, actually.

Then school started, I let my silly self fall for the wrong person (ok, so I’m not quite sure on the time frame there…but does it matter?), went to a few kick ass concerts, dressed naughty for Halloween, got myself into trouble on Halloween, got my wallet stolen on Halloween, had a Thanksgiving, let my guard down for the wrong person, went to see another kick ass concert, met a stranger, found someone who I’d lost, pissed of the family…oh, and that brings us to the present.

I think the main point of reflecting on the year is not the events that happened, but what you learned from them. That’s really all that matters in the end. Life can throw all sorts of crap at you, but your reaction to it is what shapes you as a human being. Did I learn anything from the year? Oh…plenty…

Taking responsibility for your own actions and the consequences of those actions is crucial. But the key point of this notion is the fact that it needs to be that way for everyone. People need to stop pointing the finger and take responsibility for what they do. Yes, I put myself into some really crappy situations, and yes, some God-awful things happened as a result of that – but me taking responsibility for that doesn’t negate the free will of other people. This realization also applies to years past. Just as I realize how my actions may have left myself more susceptible to harm, other people need to realize that their deeds (acted out of free will) did indeed harm.

I’ve come to the conclusion that most people who harm others do so out of extreme self-infatuation. They can’t get over themselves enough to see that the person they are interacting with isn’t just a pawn in their very own fantasy – that what they do with that person has sometimes long lasting affects on the other. One in particular – too in love with himself to see just what he really did. I don’t hate them. I feel sorry for them. They are so busy kissing their own scrotum that they’re missing the point – the bigger picture outside of their own self-infatuation.

That brings us to my final lesson of the year. This lesson is ongoing, really. Love, is what I speak of. I used to fear love. Rather, I feared the misuse of the word love. That word has been abused beyond belief in my life. I’m sorry, you can’t take me against my will, then say you don’t want to lose me because you “love” me. That’s not love – that’s some sick blend of lust and obsession. F-(expletive edited for the general public) you.

Sorry. Back to the love thing.

Love isn’t meant to be obsessive or controlling. It doesn’t manipulate and condemn. It doesn’t ridicule or demand. It gives, rather than takes. It builds up, rather than tearing down. Love doesn’t cling with and iron fist, it holds with an open hand. Love isn’t meant to be threatening or fleeting. Love isn’t all hearts and roses, either. It is volatile and all-consuming. It takes you without warning, and somehow implants its self in the very center of your being. It is completely captivating, and can be utterly beautiful. Then again, it can be one sided and depressing as all hell. But that’s besides the point, isn’t it?

I suppose this year has been educational, to some extent. Surely there are events which I will laugh and cry about for years to come. There are people who have etched their name into the walls of my heart (thanks, to the one who gave me that word picture), and people who have sadly fallen by the wayside. To those who taught me, both good and bad, thank you. To those I haven’t seen in ages, I miss you. To those who should know it anyway, I love you.

Here’s to 2005. Oh, dear God…what about 2006…

Smiles,

~Natalie.

Currently listening :
X&Y
By Coldplay
Release date: 07 June, 200