Ah, the Holidays. I hate the term, really. It’s not the idea of a Holiday Season which I’m not so keen on, it’s the fact that we’re forced to tame Christmas down to a ambiguously PC (politically correct), blanket labeled, collection of weeks which happen to contain a religious holiday or two. It’s annoying, really. What’s Easter going to be? I don’t even have anything clever for that nonsense.
Anyway, if I’m remembering right, last year I wasn’t too stoked about the whole Christmas thing either. Situations were different, so that may have had something to do with it. Last years’ December was full of ups and downs and moment-to-moment volitile interactions and circumstances. There were many good times, though. The one I was with showered me with gifts, small and not so small, and together we had some really amazing times. Of course, he was the recipient of the most costly Christmas gift I think I’ve EVER purchased…but I’m pretty sure it was worth it. This time of year has me doing replays in my head of events from last, and though there is a bit of conflict, the overall feeling is something of a loss. I do miss what was. Not in it’s incarnation, granted, but still. This is the subject which teeters precariously on the verge of danger as there are eyes which seek this out with a purpose surpasing mere curiosity. Whatever is written here on that subject, I know doesn’t stay here. Hence, I get to stay silent.
This year things are quite different. My Christmas budget won’t be nearly as high as there isn’t a key recipient to be concerned about. There isn’t the twisted abnormality of what was last year, either. But still…this year isn’t so festive and joyous. I’m settling into the new job (which at some point I’ll probably go into a bit more, as it’s completely different than what I was doing for the 12 months prior.) and doing the same at the new house. Holidays are strange when they’re not spent in close proximity to loved ones. I’m not hugely far away from the family, but they’re not on my doorstep either. My house isn’t decorated for Christmas in the slightest – the only token gesture is my mini christmas tree sitting on my dresser…and it’s seriously miniature, we’re talking less than a foot tall. I have to remind myself that Christmas is indeed around the corner.
As great as certain company would be (and I think maybe only two people know what I’m referring to) I’m cool with the fact that I’m in the place I’m in. This season will likely come and pass with little lasting significance, but that also is just fine by me. No, by no means am I a depressive Humbug. I’ll join in the festivities. The holidays Christmas Season is one I hope to enjoy as it should be, but this year has been so odd… Whenever we come to the close of a passing year I’m hyper-aware of what the last year has held. This past one…it’s pretty ridiculous. There’s a few who are missed more than they know, and circumstances prevent anything from being done about that. Thre’s a couple off the top of my head who aren’t quite so missed, but that’s par for the course of life. It’s not about the people or gifts or activities, anyhow.
I could get all sappy and cliche here, but I think I’ll pass.
