The Ramblings of A Muse

Today is a bit of an odd day.  Well, really, it’s been an odd week.

And it’s only Thursday.

Maybe I should be a bit more specific.  Today isn’t so much as odd, as much as my mind is all over the place and no where near work or anything now-related.  My on-off relationship with work is something that lends its self to brief spans of intense displeasure and frustration.  For the most part, I’m apathetic.  Thankful, don’t get me wrong – I’m quite thankful to have a job that pays well mostly pays the bills.  The point really isn’t about work anyway.  It’s the lapse of demand on my time that gives my mind permision to wander, and wander it does.  Today I was thinking about a few key characters from a few years ago.

I had someone in my a few years back who was pretty close to Best Friend status.  Actually, there were two.  One of them I met through acting, the other I met through a friend.  They both became incredibly important people in my life and were either responsible for, or at least witness to, some of the most life-defining moments I went through in my late teens/early twenties.  I loved each of them so very much.  The one I met through acting I lost when he got Married, and though I didn’t get it at the time, life has taught me exactly WHY that relationship needed to end.  The other one I’m really not sure why I lost, but I did – and overnight.  I’ve done some questionable things in this life and am highly aware of my own blunders…this one wasn’t as a result of one of them.  Both are missed more than they know, and even now should they re-appear, I know I’d gladly welcome them back into my life.

Like jobs, homes, and amber colored leaves, people too are somtimes only in our lives for a season.  The two I mentioned above I look back on with affection, and there are others I don’t remember so favorably.  It’s not about grudges or anger, it’s about trying to find the redemption even when there seems to be none.  There are only two in the past who fall into this category.  Even now, as I’m dreading a meeting regarding one of them on Sunday, I still hope there is something positive to be found in all this.  Otherwise…why?  Why did they happen to enter my life and forever leave it changed for at least the immediate worse, if not the thereafter merely salvagable?

I may never  know the answer, and I suppose simple trust in the Bigger Picture of it all may have to suffice.