I hold back, more often than not. My mind is never inactive – a fact which is both the joy and bane of my existence. There is, however, a remarkable discrepancy between what goes on in my head and heart and what I voice to the world. I’m noticing more and more that this way of functioning has probably caused more problems than averted them. I’ve kept to myself my opinions of people and the ones in the lives of those close to me. I’ve taken a stance of withholding judgment of others because not only have I been judged to a ridiculous extent in the past, but also I am aware that there’s always more than one side to a story and the one I have been presented with is not always enough information to form a well informed and accurate opinion. Then again, maybe I’m just over-analyzing things as per usual.
I’ve long bemoaned the fact that I lack female friendships. I have a few decent acquaintances, but as far as close relationships go those positions have always been held by various males in my life. There’s quite a few reasons for this, anywhere from the fact that I was raised with brothers and am therefore far more familiar with relating to men, to the fact that I do have that inherent female need for male affirmation – and everywhere in between. The truth is my best friends have been male and to be honest, I’ve had no problem with that.
In recent years, this reality has been problematic as these guys have reached the age of engagements and marriage. Anyone that I’ve had any sort of relating to that is anything other than platonic friendship ends up exiting stage left as soon as there is a permanent female in their lives. I do understand this, and considering my not so distant situation, I damn near approve of this. It’s left me with an ever decreasing inner circle of friends, however, and has led me to realize that relating to the previously cursed and deemed untrustworthy female side of the population may well be necessary.
So sad, though, as with few exceptions to the rule (and yes, there are some and they know who they are) my previous belief system has been nothing but re-enforced over the last year or so.
My problems with women are sadly numerous. I already stated that there are exceptions, and with that should come the understanding that I’m not making cast iron and undebatable statements to be unquestioningly applied to every human being with a double X chromosome. Just, as it turns out, a decent and above average percentage of them I find to be overly dramatic, self involved, selfish, presumptuous, proud, arrogant, ignorant, oblivious, and otherwise irritatingly asinine creatures of somewhat less than admirable or respectable behavior.
Yep. And I’m one of them.
I see that, I do. I’ve had moments of such behavior. The difference, and really the only reason why I somewhat confidently believe my argument to hold water, is that I realize this and refuse to let the hormonal and impulsive nature that God surely ‘graced’ us with govern my every word and deed.
Unlike so many of my ’sisters’.
Admittedly, I’ve wronged a few women on likely some of the worst levels. I’m not justifying my actions of the past. They were spawned from a lack of respect for the female, though for varying reasons. As much as I have had problems seeing men as admirable people when I’ve seen what I have, I still have had a decent idea of how they should be treated if you have any intention of keeping them around. They’re not nearly as frustrating or complicated as most females seem to think them. If these girls could shift their way of thinking into a different gear, they’d see that most men’s needs are pretty straightforward. There’s the needs to be appreciated, affirmed, respected, cared for, and desired. No, it’s not an exact formula and we all have our different and unique ‘love languages’. The things that make me most nervous for females that I encounter when they are around their men is that the vast majority take their guys for granted, ridicule (whether in fun or not) and put down, show disrespect by snide remarks or selfish demands, expect to be pampered and give zero effort in return, and then roll their eyes or shut down the guy when he expresses his desire for her. And they expect them to stick around…why? Even dogs get better treatment…and these women are too self involved and blind to see it.
So, that’s my soap box, perhaps, but the point of it is that once I’ve seen a man I have respect for be de-valued or under appreciated, I’ve felt the inclination to somehow show them that they should indeed be valued and appreciated. And that, small trusted circle, is where we’ve encountered problems in the past. These are legitimate needs. It takes a person (male or female, for that matter) of great character to not look elsewhere when their needs are not being met. In the past, it has been my bad to have met these needs, however innocent the intention and action may have been.
But that doesn’t take away the merit of my argument. Just because I’ve handled it badly in the past doesn’t mean the problem isn’t there. And then there’s the way that women treat each other.
Insecurity goes hand in hand with jealousy and together they form a potentially disastrous duo of shinnanigans and heartache. No matter what my opinions are of particular females, I seldom voice them to anyone. I could think that some guys’ girlfriend is a dumb bitch but I’m not likely to say anything unless he outright asks my opinion. Even then, it’s most likely to sound something like “it seems to me that she doesn’t see much past herself and acts accordingly”. Seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever taken off the metaphorical gloves to verbally throw down with some girl over…well, anything. I don’t insult. I don’t verbalize blame or condemn. Even if I think it, it doesn’t reach the ones involved.
So why, then, can’t women grant the same courtesy? Why write catty passive aggressive sentiments to the other involved when there has been no initiated conflict? Why voice things they are assuming based on third party information when they know nothing of the other involved or their intentions?
And thus, we go round and round on the ever hardening cement of my view on the female of our species. And in my defense, I’m just sayin’.
Fire at will, I suppose.
